I remarked to a number of people today that I wished someone was here to appreciate how ridiculous I looked as I heaved myself around the house. My kids were here, but they don’t tend to notice things like limping, staggering or grimacing, not even when it’s funny, so the comic quality of my physical state was going to waste. I enjoyed it myself, as best I could and now I’ll attempt to share it with you. It was hard work see, and I’d like someone other than me alone to derive some kind of enjoyment out of it.
During the morning and late afternoon/evening I was able to shuffle-waddle about in a fairly common, non-funny pregnant manner. These were the times when I encountered other adults. It was smack in the middle of the day when I wished for a audience to laugh at me, with me.
Allow me to describe the spectacle for you. It started out as I lean back and to my right, this weight shift allowed me to hoist my left leg in a stiff mechanical fashion. Then, as I lowered the left leg, my foot would flop to the floor as though the string controlling it’s upward suspension had just been released. The bulk of my weight would then shift back to that left leg and the right leg was dragged along behind to rest beneath me, ready to lend support again as I leaned back over it to restart the whole process.
Adding to the overall effect of my monstrous lumbering was the fact that I found myself unable to change directions as I propelled myself forward. Thus, I was forced to take shuffling backward steps in order to orient myself in the direction I wished to travel before setting forth to my destination.
Also, I was emptying the dishwasher at the time. I don’t know of a house hold task that rivals the putting away of dishes in directional change requirements. Possibly vacuuming, but with the work it took to convey myself around the house, the pushing of a vacuum was really out of the question.
And so, I proceeded to clumsily navigate the day, amused by my predicament but unable to spare the energy to really enjoy the amusement, because robotic marionettes with compromised appendages have to work hard getting from here to there.