Mrs Cadaver

I read Walk Two Moons this week, isn’t that a fantastic book?

When my braces came off I was planning on whitening my newly straight teeth. At my dental appointment the day after my mouth’s liberation I asked about the cost of such treatment.
$250.00
Uhg, my teeth had already over stepped their yearly budget with the braces. I couldn’t do $250 more.
The next day I went back to the orthodontist to get my retainers and after admiring his handiwork with my teeth and sentencing me to two weeks full time retainer wear, he gave me some fantastic news. My retainers could easily serve as whitening trays. All I’d need from the dentist would be the bleaching gel.
Eventually, I fought off my phone anxiety long enough to call the dentist’s office and ask how much the gel alone would set me back. $45.00 was the answer. Totally doable, so I did it.
Then I saved it and put it in my stocking because Santa has a hard time thinking of things to stuff in there and I wanted to help him out.
The first time I used it, it stung so bad I thought my gums were being dissolved. I blamed this on the vigorous flossing I’d done before applying the gel and swore to be more cautious in the future.
When the time was finally up, I rinsed that cursed fire out of my mouth and eagerly grimaced into the mirror to examine the result.
A corpse.
I had the gums of a corpse.
They were white and thick looking, pulling away from my teeth in a very unpleasant manner.
I told myself it was just residue and eagerly (but gently too because OW!) tried to rub it off. Deep inside though, were memories of white crispy skin on my fingers in my platinum blonde days right after I’d touched up my roots, and the way Cute Kenny (Who we all wished would just start liking girls already, because DANG! He was Cute!) used to give himself peroxide tattoos with the excess bleach when he helped my reach the back of my head, and I was frightened.
When the white awfulness refused to wipe away, I wondered mournfully, how long it takes gums to regenerate, and vowed to keep my lips severely fastened until that time. No smiling allowed, it might frighten people to see the gums of a corpse in the mouth of an otherwise living woman.
Three to four days it took. I examined my poor injured mouth every time I passed a mirror. At first I thought I’d have to discontinue my teeth whitening objective all together, but I learned that what I experienced was fairly normal. I just needed to use less gel so it wouldn’t ooze onto my gums and wreak havoc.
After a full recovery from that unfortunate incident I applied the gel successfully with no ill effects…
Until last night.
I had apparently grown complacent and overfilled the trays
AGAIN!
Corpse gums.
AGAIN!
It’s not as bad this time. I did the deed right before bed, so as soon as I rinsed the acid out of my mouth, I poped my retainers right back in for the night, and somehow, color was restored to my ill treated tooth pockets. So, while my mouth is every bit as tender as it was after the last incident, I am not afraid of frightening others with my corpse gums, and that’s a blessing.

4 Responses to Mrs Cadaver

  1. Oh my gosh girl, that's too funny! Well, I'm sure at first it wasn't funny for you, I'd be scared too if I had went through all of that and saw corpse gums! I'm just happy that you figured it all out and it looked great in the end. Yay 🙂

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