Butt Wheat

While waiting for the oatmeal to cook this morning (it took sooooo long today but it was extra good to make up for it) Baby Girl climbed onto the table to reach her hand way down to the bottom of the Honey Bunches box searching for crumbs.
Shooing her off triggered a memory, so here it is.
In the house where we lived through my preschool years the table was in the room with the TV and the TV was on a high self sort of in front of the table. That’s a bit of a hazy description but it’s a bit of a hazy memory so it will have to do.
We all took turns sitting on the table, getting scolded for it by the mother, and scolding each other for it. I was the youngest at that point so I imagine I really didn’t play that big a role in the sibling scold-a-thon that was TV time, but I remember at least once, blissfully laying on the table watching “Little House on the Prairie”. My second oldest sister at that point came into the room and told me I was getting butt wheat all over the table and I’d better get off quickety-fast.
The older Sibs were always complaining about the butt wheat on the table. “3-2-1 Contact!” and “The Bloodhound Gang” were on TV and in the back ground I heard “Get off the Table! I don’t want your Butt Wheat all over my place at Dinner!”
I don’t ever remember hearing the term “butt wheat” in any other context, though I just googled it and apparently there’s a comedian named Butt Wheat. I don’t think I’ve heard it since we moved from that house when I was five. I can’t imagine how they got away with using it so much. My mother was firm in her discouragement of crude language. To say the word “butt” in her presence was to garner a very severe look.
We were taught to use the word “bottom” and only when necessary. Also, the word “poo” in all it’s forms was not to be used. “messy” was the appropriate term in our house.
These words, “poo” and “bum,” were the ones I was made to say by my sister and her friend when they took me to hide under a bush and taught me to “swear” but that’s a story for another day.


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